Fake it until you make it!

by montejosmemorials on June 3, 2017

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Many years ago I had a mentor who used to tell me “Fake it until you make it.” I have remembered that through many times in my life and have told others the same thing. She didn’t mean to pretend like there aren’t hard things to go through or ignore the situations we have to deal with. She also didn’t mean to step out of reality or pretend certain things don’t exist. What she did mean was to keep walking. She would always encourage me to do the things that were in front of me, to not let go of the things that kept me strong and healthy. As I continued moving, eventually my feelings about the situation I was in, would catch up and I would be able to process or heal.

I have learned that my personality feels things deeply. Where you may be able to look at a situation and feel sad for someone, I take on that person’s pain and feelings as my own. This is considered a strength in my personality, although many times it doesn’t feel like it. As I have come to understand this about myself, I have been able to take a more proactive stance in “Faking it until I make it.”

We have had to spend some extra time the past few weeks at MUSC, Medical University of SC. Our oldest son had an injury to his eye and we have been following up with the Dr. every few days to monitor healing. As we were sitting in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but think of all of the different situations there. Because it’s a university, a children’s hospital, and specializes in many things, there are many circumstances. Young people with cancer, parents who are camped out for days to weeks to months because of a child in NICU or the cancer floor, some waiting for reports that will alter the course of life and who knows what else. I couldn’t help but take on a few of those feelings as well as my own.

MUSC was a sort of second home for us for almost a year, as we had Daniel with us. As I walked down the pathway in the picture above, it took my mind to so many things. When I walk to the end of the pathway and go left, there is a small parking area for large vans. It was a blessing to have that large van, because it kept us out of the parking garage and made parking easy.

My mind went back to how many times we had walked that path. There was the surgery for our second to oldest son. There were the many visits with Daniel, the feeding tube surgery, the successful heart surgery. There was the day we were scheduled for a second heart surgery, but they sent us home because what needed repairing before wasn’t there anymore. What a day of celebration that was as we walked that path! There was also the morning he passed away and how we felt as we forced ourselves to trudge that path leaving a part of us that in this life we could never bring back.  There was the wisdom teeth surgery for our oldest son, then the jaw surgery as I had to face returning to that hospital after losing our baby there. There were the MRI’s for our oldest son when they found the cyst close to his brain that God miraculously healed. Looking ahead to another MRI with our youngest who had an unexpected, unexplained seizure. So many memories on this one walkway from just our one family. Remembrances that are happy and sad, creating lots of feelings to process.

So how does this “Fake it until you make it.” work? It looks different for everyone, but for me this is my process. holding onto faith and the things that make me strong, my bible, prayer, worship, talking with someone who is supportive. Being gentle with myself is imperative to process. Providing good food, herbs, and essential oils that help support my body are also important because there is such an intricate connection between the mind and body. Pulling our family in a little tighter to provide some extra love and good memories. Reminding myself that feelings are there to serve a purpose, but I don’t have to let them control me.

What are some of your favorite tools to “Fake it until you make it?”


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